I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
