I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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