actually, I'm a sock model
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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