She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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