i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Randomize
