I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
