i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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