Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
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There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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