is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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