If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
