A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
