You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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