she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
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he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
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I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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