Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
