My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
