What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
