Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
