o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
