and you said cock pushups were impossible
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize