i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
