i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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