i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
