My room smells like vodka and shame
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
