Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
