this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
