I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
