I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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