are you still at the devil's house?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
