I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
