You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
