just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
