sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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