I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
