I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
