I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
