Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
