I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize