exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I looked at my own cervix.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
