he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
