Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
