Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
