You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
