great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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