If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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