i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
