That's intense
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
