Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
