lets start a swedish sibling band together
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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