Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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