I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
