i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
