she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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