Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Your cock deserves a montage
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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