As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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