so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
