i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
