Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
