did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
