i just wanna soil my oats bro
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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