A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
