Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
