I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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