guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
