I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
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Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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