You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
